I got certified

I got certified as a teacher here in Ontario. What a great privilege and a blessing. I am in shocked and I can’t believe I have made this far. I lift up to God all the praises and glory. Looking back, I used to be bullied by many people. I was a shy girl. I don’t talk much…I was afraid of people in general. I feel like they will hurt me, or do something bad to me. But, the Lord changed my life. He showed me his love, his peace, and his joy. I learned to trust him, and I saw how he mold me and educate me through his words. I remember reading the book of Proverbs. I learned wisdom on how to treat others and how I react or interact with them. The bible has been my teacher of life. The reality of life, how people think, motives of people, nature of people… so it is then I become more understanding of them. More patient, and really recognize that no one in this earth is ever greater than the Lord. No one can boast before God. Nobody can say they are perfect because if they do they’ll be lying and they know that. So yes, I have really changed from being a shy girl to a girl who knows exactly who she is in the sight of the Lord Jesus Christ, that I am loved, beautifully and fearfully made by him. My confidence is 100% of the Lord. I am nothing, and He is everything… that what’s makes me whole. My achievements are his. My goals and aspiration are all fuel by my love for him. Striving to be better, and useful while my life breathes on earth so that one day when I see my Lord face to face, I could present to him the gift that he has bestowed upon me, and he’ll know that I’ve used it up and not wasted it to glorify his precious name.

I want to like you

There are just people in our lives that we find so contrast to us. It is hard to admit and completely understand why you prefer one person to another, and why not just like everybody. I’m really trying so hard to like some people that I find awkward to be with. I guess personality conflicts are real. It’s like no matter what lyrics you put in the tune, there’s just no harmony there. The relationship is too much work. It is heavy. I wonder if many people feel the same way too.

I’m asking grace and mercy from the Lord so I could deal this relationship situation. I know that the Lord will be pleased if I’m open and honest with every person I have a connection with. I know the Lord will teach me. He will guide me.

Mind Game

I was debating to myself if I will open the box or just leave it. I left it. Now, I kept of thinking what could have been inside the box? Is there something important? I honestly don’t know but I know deep inside that I couldn’t be that negligent. So, if I’m lucky tomorrow I could recheck everything if it is still there. But, the Lord just did something for me to stop thinking about it. And I thank him for everything… I pray that I learned my lessons.

I know that I’m protected by the grace of God. He is the one who directs my path and leads the way. He is the one who manages my life and really takes over. I may have lapses but the Lord will eventually turn things around as they should be.

Reading my Bible

I can’t stop reading right now. I read my bible in a very random way before. Few verses or chapters from here and there… well, I have read the few books in the old testament but now it is different. I am actually reading my Bible with enthusiasm and attention. I started reading the Book of Mark, then Luke, then John and Acts, now, I am on the Book of Romans. It isn’t my intention. I just kept reading and reading. I could literally picture the words I was reading and I am amazed and surprised how beautiful and detailed these verses are and how Jesus did declare himself as the only way of Salvation to mankind. My faith grew stronger and my assurance of Salvation completely relies on his words. So now… let me get back into reading…

It was not the answer to prayer

I was praying for an online job, home based so I could look after my son at the same time contribute to our financial needs. The Lord has provided us our needs even wants and I am very thankful. However, as time goes by our lives should move forward. We are a family who is just starting to build our life together, as husband and wife is it our goal to grow from where we are right now. Moving forward, I have applied to several jobs online but I haven’t got received good feedback. I am waiting in the Lord patiently. Until one day, someone emailed me offering a promising job that I thought was an answered to prayer but it end up to be nothing but a lie. I was heart broken when I found out that everything I was excited about was fake. I also got scared to try again after this horrible experience. On the other hand, I thank the Lord for signalling the red light before I totally gave in to the trick. He protected me from these evil people. This experience have taught me to be more careful and cautious in dealing with the people on the internet. Now, I am waiting again… patiently and prayerfully. In time, the Lord will show me the way… and lead me to the path that I should take. I just need to closely listen to his direction and not be distracted. My heart is submerge in pain as I continue to walk in the road I have never been. It is a leap of faith. A move that only can God could clearly show me that signals, “Go” it is finally the way. I am a woman who wants to make most out of this life. God has entrusted me many talents and those are not to just keep but it is to cultivate. My heart’s desire is that on the day that I will see my Saviour face to face, he will tell me, “Welcome! Thou good and faithful servant enter into my Kingdom” Amen. What a great joy, what a wonderful day.

Revelation

God showed me today a mirror. I have to admit. I always asking God to take my life because I feel it is not worth to live in this sinful world. I’m just sick of living a life full of troubles, resposibilities etc. I feel so overwhelmed. It is a sin. I know it. And I have asked the Lord to forgive my thoughts. However, God showed me more of the reason why I shouldn’t be that way… I have met someone who is fighting for her life. She has a very rare type of Cancer. Despite all the pain and suffering she is experiencing she is still choosing to fight and live. I feel so ashamed of myself for wanting to end my life while another person wants to live. I do not deserve this life but God gave it to me anyways. I’m so ungrateful of all the things God has given to. Too bad!! I’m so sorry Lord.

Maybe the Lord is telling me how to live my life. It should be a life where it brings joy to people. To show love to humankind, to be a great use of this world. To make most out of it.

Dear Father in heaven, I am humbly confessing my sins to you. My selfisheness and my ego centric view of life. I know I am here for a reason and I should not waste my time.

Lord, help me. Help me see the things you wanted me do. Give me courage to do it. And make my life count here on earth. AMEN.

I cannot pretend to be a non-believer

Hello. I have been in a series of beautiful preaching and talks just last week. It was pretty amazing. The Pastor dropped serious points that I need to keep in my heart if I’m really serious about Christianity. I mean… what is Christianity, really? When did I become a Christian myself? Someone from the church asked me this question and I did tell my whole tale with all honesty the best I can. I am a pastor’s kid. I know how to act christian and how to talk christian but what I cannot do is to pretend not to be a christian. I just realize this one. Being a believer of Jesus Christ has became actually my identity. I feel so fake whenever I act worldly. I mean if I am trying to be cool and stuff. I just couldn’t dance that music even if I try so hard OR even if I pulled it off, after a day or two I hate the feeling. I cannot take it. Something in my heart and soul just wanna go back to God and say sorry to him and be with him. I guess that is the Holy Spirit living in me. He Actually the one who is controlling my thoughts unnoticely. I am in flesh, my thoughts would be wicked but at the end of the day and I mean every day the Spirit of God would just be around me as if it is walking side by side with me. Do I sound creepy now? or have you other christians felt the same way… cause I do. I cannot deny God in my life and his presence and guidance and everything!

I am amazed by the fact that his invisibility is so visible in my life in a very supernatural way. God is real. He is alive. And I love him. I may rebel at times but I know deep in my heart I will always go back to him like a child longing for their parents. I am that child looking for my father in heaven every time I know I am not acting right. I will always want to please him and obey him. Like everything about him matters to me. That’s miracle. How can you have a relationship to someone you do not see? I cannot explain that… it is just what it is. It is the evidence of Faith. You can only understand this phenomenon if you experience it yourself.

So, yes, I am a Christian not because I was raised in a Christian home but because I experience the power and presence of God myself through my faith in the name of my Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Thank you, Lord. Amen.

I would like to apologize to myself

Dear Self,

I am sorry. I am sorry because I have let you down. Most of the things that you are really capable to do are the things I didn’t really work out. I choose the path so different from what you are built. I’m sorry that I have pressured you in so many ways. But what can I do?

Sorry I did not fight for you. I didn’t cultivate what is already there. I have taken it for granted. Sorry I did not listen to you.

I hope I could still make it up to you. I hope we still got time. I guess I really am a late bloomer. Be patient with me. Let’s work together. I have wasted most of your time. I’m really sorry.

Jesus’ Warning

Last night as I was reading my bible, the verses in Mark chapter 4 gave me chills. It talks about Jesus’ warning to us in general about our unbeliefs. God’s word is true and pure. Therefore, Jesus salvation through his death and resurrection is undoubtedly an authentic way of redeeming us and saving us from the punishment in hell. Jesus spoke about the literal hell, here are the verses:

Mark 9:42-47

42 And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.

43 And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:

44 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.

45 And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:

46 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.

47 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire:

It is clear that Jesus is serious about this place called hell where he said it is better for us to go to heaven with incomplete body parts than being whole but in hell. If we believe that Jesus is a true person, true God, these words shouldn’t be taken lightly. This is our warning! We should also be careful with our dealings and relationships with people. We are accountable to their souls and should be sharing this truth. We are the witness, messengers of God here on earth. We shouldn’t be the reason of their unbelief to God. We should not offend them to the extent that they will say, “I do not think his God is real, I’m not going to listen to this Jesus”. We should pray. We should seek God’s guidance and wisdom so that we live a life that is well pleasing to him and we become the salt of this world where people see our light coming from our Lord Saviour Jesus Christ.

Lord Jesus, help me keep your words in my heart that I might not sin against thee.