When I was a little girl people loved me. They said I’m pretty and talented. But, when I entered my teenage years I started to notice my flaws. I have a bad teeth, I was underbite. My skin is not fair and my legs have noticeable scars. Slowly, people, particularly the closest of my relatives have express their dislike with the way I look. Even though they are not telling it to my face, they are voicing it to other people and I hear them. They said I am the ugliest amongst us and compared my appearance to my drug addict uncle all the time. I begin to lose my self-esteem, my self-confidence. It affects me so much that I view myself so low and when I look in a mirror I hate what I see. They have inflicted not only my appearance but also my soul. This is one of the reasons I do not excel at school because I was so ashamed of myself. It was like All I know is that I am ugly and I am good for nothing. This pain has been with me for the longest time. But, God rescued me. When I heard that Jesus loves me and accepts me for who I am, He became my friend. I trusted him with all my heart and read the bible. I came to understand how beautiful I am in his sight –that he chose me, and made me wonderfully. It resounded in my spirit and each day I beginning to notice that my life is changing. In God’s love I learned to love myself in a deeper way. My eyes were opened and I saw my worth and capabilities. I understand that whatever people say about me doesn’t really matter because at the end of the day I will face my Lord and Saviour and all that he will see is his wonderful creation. From then on I got the confidence not only in my own skin but also in my soul and spirit that comes from the Lord. Then, people saw this shine… they started to call me “Beautiful” again.
Have you ever felt like you are running in a hole? A life of a cycle. It just surrounded by same pattern of wall. It has the same colour. You are asking yourself, “How am I going to get out of this hole?” And then you look up and see the light. The light of hope that one day you’ll find your way out. The rays of light give you the purpose to continue running… Sometimes you get tired and get some rest, sometimes you cry and shout out for a refuge. You do not hear a sound from the other end but you got faith. You do not see what’s ahead but you got faith. Faith is your comfort from the depths of despair. Thank God he has left his word to read, and thanks to the light because I’m able to read, to meditate, to think. I asked God, “Lord, why did you put me in this hole?” And he said, “Just trust me.” And then I look around… I stop… and look around… I am not alone in this very same hole… people. Yes, a lot of people are in the same hole. They are tired too… they feel hopeless and helpless… and I noticed, my difference to them is that they do not recognize the light that’s why they cannot read the book. The Holy word of God which makes the running in the hole bearable. They’ve got reasons why they keep running but they do not know that there is a way out says in the book. The way out will require a long time of waiting but there is hope. So, I guess, this is my purpose in this hole. To show them the light. To show them that God made a way out. It needs faith. It needs patience. It needs to be believed. After all, what can we lose if we believe… cause this running in the hole will not end but at least recognizing the light give us meaning, gives us something to look forward to, something to hang on…
Lord, I know you can hear my prayers. Lord, I know you are real, living God. You are the source of this life I am breathing and every life that is breathing… I will wait Lord. I will wait for the very day you will take me out of this hole. So, today, I will put my trust in you. I will continue running… and I will share the Light. I will share YOUR Light. In Jesus name, Amen.
He is growing real fast. He thinks now and understands. He choose what he likes and what he doesn’t like. He is beginning to make my life a little more complicated. He got a strong self awareness that he knows exactly what he wants to do. It gets me so frustrated at times he doesn’t listen to what I say and he just wants to do things his way. He doesn’t want me to teach him things. He thinks he can manage. Yes, he is giving me a hard time all right. Isn’t it funny how a little boy can manipulate a grown woman like me and make me feel sorry whenever I am reprimanding his bad attitudes. We both learn from each other every day of our lives. I hope that my son will grow in the fear of the Lord so that he will be grounded in the love of God therefore, he will honour me as he honours God and be the kind of son God wants him to be. I pray for my spiritual growth as a mother too as this journey should never be treated lightly. My role will be forever printed in his heart therefore I should paint it in God’s way and will. May God guide me to raise a boy that will be a man who will be look up to by his wife and children someday. It is my heart’s desire. It is my prayers. It is my purpose.
It is my husband’s birthday. He said he doesn’t want to celebrate it but I wanted to. (haha) A brother in the Lord gave him 20 dollar bill so he could buy a birthday cake. (What a blessing) So, yes, we bought a cake at DQ. It is very delicious and we got a mini celebration. I thank the Lord that God gave me a good and responsible husband who has been taking good care of our needs. He loves us very much and he is always there for us. And most of all, He loves the Lord and want to serve his Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. It’s amazing how God changes lives. I’ve seen this in his life. He is not perfect but after receiving Jesus in his heart he is a lot better. I’m a happy wife as I know my son will grow with a father who can set a good example. May the Lord bless us with more years… until the second coming of our Saviour. 🙂
I love Downtown Toronto! The busy streets makes my heart pump up since I realized that in the residential areas you barely see people outside because everyone is (mostly) working or in school. Anyway, this picture was an old me picture. It was my first encounter of the beautiful downtown where you see a lot of people, huge mall, restaurants and a lot of fun places (like historic buildings, etc.). But keep in mind, driving there is crazy plus the parking spaces are insanely expensive. So, my advice, commute.
That’s all for now, Au revoir!
I was browsing my pictures and look what I found!! A goofy family picture of us. I love being with these two. It is so fun. Family is where your heart is. It is God’s way of expressing the kind of love He has for us. It is through the family and the bond of each members that gives us the great understanding of his glorious design and unconditional love.
His first Airplane experience!! He was one year old at that time. He was such a good boy all throughout the 17 hours flight going to the Philippines (including the stop over of course, oh! Not sure!) He was breastfed too that’s why calming him when he’s bored was way easy. Korean airlines didn’t fail us. Great service! Great crew! Great time! Oh, I remember, the food was fantastic too. 🙂 Oh well, he acts out going back to Canada, maybe it was his way of saying, “Mom, I wanna stay with lola and lolo” sadly we can’t. Overall, we are so blessed to experience all these blessings! Till we fly again!!
I am a new mom. This journey has been a roller-coaster ride for me. It definitely adds more color in my life, and a lot of thrills that I never expect this motherhood would bring me. But, He is the sunshine in my soul. A blessing from the Lord. A gift that is so precious to me and my husband. He is our happiness and joy. We are growing together, learning together and I love it… every step of the way. The Lord has taught me things I didn’t know about myself when my child came into my life. I discovered a kind of love that is so selfless where you put him first before yourself. It is amazing. It is rewarding.